I'm Beautiful, Dammit! (Pt II: Thanksgiving Edition)
Pictorial Receipts Included
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In this season of Thanksgiving, I wanted to share a moment of being thankful for
many things, but one in particular stands out from the rest for its recent occurrence and its impact on my life, small that it might seem:
Many years ago I went to a particular gay bar in my area after what I thought was a successful date with a gorgeous Brazilian guy: very handsome, smart, articulate, and seemed interested in conversation and further contact. However, as soon as we arrived, guys swarmed him like sharks around a wounded seal. In fact, one of them pushed me away from the guy. What did the guy do? He completely ignored me and stopped speaking to me; in fact, he hasn't spoken to me to this day.
Years later I went to the very same bar and ran into someone I have known for years. We started talking. Suddenly, a guy literally walked in between us, rudely turned his back to me, and
started talking to my friend. Friend never spoke to me for the rest of the time I was there. I stormed out. Friend and I are good now.
However, a few nights ago, I was at, ironically, the exact same bar yet again, and I was with one of my best friends; he happens to be tall, muscular, blonde/blue, smart, caring, and
genuinely interesting (he's married though; his husband is also gorgeous and kind). However, this one guy, whom I have known for several years, who refuses to say nay one word to me for no
known reason aside from my not looking like this, goes up to this best friend and tells him, and the tall white guy to his right (I am standing to his left), never once giving me acknowledgement nor eye contact:
Aren't you glad we're cute?
At that very moment this best friend, who genuinely cares for me, starts gently stroking my hand, all while giving the rude guy full eye contact and a smile. I felt seen, heard, accepted, included, and loved. I am thankful for that moment that broke the cycle of my being abandoned for a better model.
Click here to see the outfit
I am thankful for many things, even though, at the time of writing this blog, things aren't going so well for me overall. Nevertheless, I can be thankful for my friends, my
art, my accomplishments due to my art, my ability to write stuff in multiple programming languages which ensures that you can see this
blog, and the support I get from mostly women and non-gay queer people on social media platforms due to my art and messages, not to mention living here in Washington, DC, the home of
multiple gay bars and amazing people (and, sadly, not-so-amazing people).
But what prompted me to write this blog was my gratitude to you, Dan (if you're reading this), for being there for me in a moment where my inability to have won the "Genetic Lottery" would
have, once again, resulted in yet another moment of pain and hurt just for existing while "ugly" (of course I'm not ugly,
but society has decided
otherwise), so this seemingly small gesture broke the cycle and made me feel seen and beautiful.
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